Doppelganger …

January 16, 2009

Mark Twain once reported an interview he gave telling the story of his alleged ‘defunct’ twin brother Bill:

A. …. You see we were twins, — defunct and I; and we got mixed in the bath tub when we were only two weeks old, and one of us was drowned.  But we didn’t know which.  Some think it was Bill; some think it was me.

Q. Well, that is remarkable….. What do you think?

A. Goodness knows! I would give whole worlds to know. This solemn, this awful mystery has cast a gloom over my whole life. but I will tell you a secret now, which I never have revealed to any creature before. One of us had a peculiar mark, a large mole on the back of his left hand; that was me. That child was the one that was drowned!

Comedy aside, I sometimes feel as if I am observing my life, rather than living inside it.  I am a shadow, standing off to the edge, watching, a doppelganger of my true self.

Sometimes when I see that self that is me, I am pleased with him, and proud of how he’s grown up, and of what he does.

Sometimes, not so much. And I grow bewildered at how he came to this place.

I go through stages of disappointment on so many levels, about so many things.

Is this the way it is for most everyone, or just the minority?  Which am I?

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