October 5, 2008

Contrary to popular opinion, men are emotional beings.  Take a look at Neil E. Boyd, the dude who won the latest “America’s Got Talent.”  He always had tears in his eyes, and was either weeping or on the verge of it most of the time,and not only when he won a million bucks – when I imagine most anyone would be weeping with joy.

Some days I am filled with emotion, love, anger, happiness.  Is being content an emotion?  I sometimes think even silliness is an emotion.

I wish I knew kayleigh when she was young.  In my head, I can see her growing up, with her dad trying to fix him a meal, or on vacation at the lake and swimming with cousins.

I can see  her grandmothers fussing over food, or her on a road trip with family.  I can see freckles and long legs and braces and schoolbooks and a clarinet case.   I see wild hair.  I see a young girl on a pony,  cats, and hamsters.  Sometimes I imagine me when I was younger, a skinny goob with a bad haircut, playing with her at the lake and having this secret or not so secret crush on a very smart girl.

Thinking about all of this sometimes makes me wistful, even melancholy and sad,  wishing for things I didn’t have and can never have.  But I can imagine them, true or untrue, just like I do the stories always in my head.

I have her now though, or she has me.  Some days it’s like I’ve known her all my life, even before I really met her.  She is the other part of me that I never thought I would find, but did, not through looking and hard work,  but plain, dumb luck.  And it turned out she wasn’t so far away after all.

Other days, it’s like I met her last week, and we are at the beginning again.   We plan  and dream and wait.

In the midst of everything else going on around us, its just us, after all.   Sanctuary.


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