Bill Ingvall – Dayton

May 7, 2005

No high brow today.

Last night, to Dayton to see red-neck comic Bill Ingvall, of "here's your sign" fame. After a 30 minute opening act, Ingvall began a bit roughly, with gravel-voice and looking like he'd just awakened from a nap. He soon warmed to the audience and the audience to him. He did several bits I'd not heard yet on the various "Blue Collar" CDs and specials, but also did several favorites, like telling about the whale-seeing tour, sitting in the deer stand with his wife "hunting," and, by a shouted request, "dorkfish." He did a pretty damned truthful piece on the power that women wield simply because they have boobs, and a long bit on going to the bathroom after you get married. "I think I held most of it in the first year I was married," he said. "Pooping is a private thing. And why don't they call a toilet what it really is — an amplifier?"

But he brought tears to my eyes with a bit on the differences in men and women farting, about how a man fart is a circus act, with raised leg and loud noises, while "a woman's fart is the kind that creeps up on you," and illustrated with how his wife has convinced him he let one slip out when it was really her.

'You ever notice you never have to fart when you're in your car alone?" he also asked. "But let a woman be in the passenger seat and you begin to have pain like a screwdriver in your bowels, the bend over screaming pain of 'oh my god kill me now just let me shit and get it over it' pain. You have to pretend you've got a flat tire and stop the car and run to the back of the car. You ever have to grab the back bumper of your car and hold on so you don't levitate away?"


One Response to “Bill Ingvall – Dayton”

  1. jim barnes Says:

    went to Arby’s drive thru window. asked for two roast beef sandwiches with cheddar cheese and horsie sauce on the side. lady asked me if I wanted it for here or to go

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