Noreascon IV in Boston – Breastworld

September 9, 2004

There were several interesting people seen at Noreascon. By "seen" I mean exactly that, seen, not spoken to. There was a redhaired woman who at first glance looked pretty hot until you got close to her, and discovered she was pretty old looking. There was the "man" in the elevator dressed up something like Mary Poppins on a casual day, whose big nose and red lips protruded and panted the entire ride up to the 19th floor. He or she asked everyone if they were having a nice time as he/she exited the elevator, and when the doors closed the poor fellow who had been standing immediately next to "her" exhaled audibly and said, "That was the longest elevator ride of my life!" (In that vein, while not Con related, we followed a fellow up the street who had hairy legs slipped into women's sandles and wearing pastel yellow pants and a blouse with red bra straps plainly visible up the street. At first glance you thought it was a woman until you saw the hair on his back sticking up from the blouse, his arms, and the extreme amount of hair on his legs. Ah, Boston.)

Of the Con people of note, the first was Dr. Larry, who seemed to spend the majority of his time in the Consuite. In fact, never saw him anywhere but late in the evening in the Consuite. Balding but with a shaved head, he dressed in a lab coat and shorts and had a stethescope hanging from his neck. He offered women "participation in a scientific experiment." He had them remove their shoes and began by rubbing their bare feet. After a bit he moved to their calves, thighs, and if possible, their shoulders, backs, and so on. The apparent gist of this experiment was allegedly to discover how long it took a man to come up and speak with the woman who was getting her feet or other parts rubbed by Larry. The general theory, he claimed, said that a man would speak with the woman in less than 2 minutes after Larry began his experiment, at which time Larry would end the experiment and find another woman.

Observation by kayleigh and myself noted this wasn't always the case. By the time Larry — "the perv" as kayleigh called him — attempted to unsnap the bra from a rather plain older woman, it had been closer to 20 minutes or so. Likewise for several women.

Larry was assisted by cohorts. All of them usually sat in the middle of a round table in the middle of the room. One was a large balding fellow with a beard whom I saw dressed the last day in a stretched out yellow Star Trek uniform shirt. Another had a "press" badge though I never saw him doing any "pressly" activities. He talked too much and was his greatest audience.

There was also a woman whom I named Andre the giant, along with her sister. Andre was a very tall and very large-boned woman with frizzy black hair just like the wrestler. She was huge. Her hands would have enclosed mine. One time we saw her in a gold lame dress, frightening enough. But worse than that was when she and her sister nearly collapsed a sofa in the Consuite when they sat on it. Her sister took off her shoes revealing some hideous feet and plopped them on Andre's lap. Andre retrieved a triangular pillow from the luggage case she was pulling about that night and tucked it under her sister's knees and began to massage her sister's feet with lotion. It was disturbing to say the least. We watched closely that particular night what with all the bowls of chips, peanuts, and snacks about, wondering which bowls she was putting her hands into.

That same night a tall man came up and began chatting with the sisters. He soon sat on the floor and began rubbing Andre's enormous feet! Finally, he lay on his back on the floor and put his feet on Andre's lap for her to rub.

This happened to our right. To our left that night was a woman dressed as a witch, with a pointed hat and a black leather dress. She had a threatening mouth with numerous sharp, grey teeth enclosed in lips of red lipstick. Her breasts strained against the top of the dress and overflowed to the point of seeing her brown areolas. We wondered how she breathed, but she seemed to breathe fine through her gaping mouth of teeth.

The GoH, Terry Pratchett came wandering through at that moment, and made me think of his Discworld books. I had the sudden urge to suggest a new series for him entitled "breastworld" based upon this woman, but he wandered off before I could get the nerve to approach. His loss. But the witch became "breastworld" for the remainder of the night, much to our giggling laughter.


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